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Chill not Chillie (as in the pepper)

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I pulled the Tower. Somehow I didn’t really feel the imminent doom and chaos from it. What I got was the pretty sound advice to not lose my head. See, I love my head. Not that is it very pretty or even extraordinary smart, but it feels comfortable, I am used to having it. So to lose it would be rather irksome.

Very often I explode. I am a red-head with a temper so befitting. So I rage. I slam doors. I write angry mails. I cry. I calm down and get on with life. I am proud to say I never carry a grudge. My friends and family know this and bear the brunt of my volatile moods. I ❤ them for it. Thanks the GODS for people that don’t take you too serious.

I very often have to carry my head under my arm in shame though…


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Today’s card made me think about identity, how it is shaped and where it takes us. This Knight of Pentacles is haunting his own portrait. The picture being an image of him at his proudest moment made eternal (or almost) and there he stands, a mere shadow of his old self. His sword tip pointing down to that one glimmering coin – so useless to him now.

What is my identity anchored in? Not a profession, not a family. There are days when I feel like I will never fulfill my true potential. But then, how could I be anything but who I am, regardless of expectations. I write my story as I breathe in and then out…

“It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.” 
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

Tonight is election in the US. I’ll be up waiting for the result – don’t disappoint me, America…

Spirit World

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I have been awful at updating, but I just haven’t been in the mood for it. I used Fey for 2 weeks, it is a lovely deck and I look forward to using it more later. This week I received a Book of Thoth – Etteilla deck in the mail. But I chose to pick another for my weekly deck. I wanted something that wouldn’t require any kind of reading up on it. Something not too RWS or too mystic. I just wanted something where I read the images – not the card titles. So this week is dedicated to the odd Tarot of the Spirit World. It is a Lo Scarabeo deck and it’s about spirits. The LWB is cryptic and I just leave it in the box for this week.

The card for today (4 of pentacles) is showing an older man reading from a large book, open before him. The text seem to be in another alphabet. From the page we see the ghost of a young woman, carrying a basket with 4 coins on her head. The two seem to be, even if she were still in the flesh, in 2 different worlds. His a scholarly and intellectual one – hers one of physical work. I like how their eyes meet in a rather startled gaze. This card makes me think of how words in a book can evoke worlds which we are foreign to. Books as doorways, as memory keepers.