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Commitment to a smile

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Oracle of InitiationThis year, starting in January I committed myself to fix my teeth. Due to neglect and a rather severe phobia for dentists and medicine that did nothing to improve my teeth they were in a bad shape and caused me a lot of pain and embarrassment. I promised myself that 2013 would be the year I get them sorted out, pulling broken wisdom-teeth and getting some replacement in a few gaps. It’s been going pretty up and down. Going in the first time I was scared stiff and cried a lot but I have a wonderful dentist and nurse that really made me feel at ease. Things didn’t go pain-free though. I pulled a broken tooth and it was connected to the sinuses and it was all very infected and I got a high fever and was down and out for a week and it didn’t help me with the anxiety levels. As of today I got one more mending to do and one very tricky wisdom tooth that is set far in and is hard to numb, last appointment we couldn’t have it fixed cause the anesthetic just would not take. So maybe I shared more than I should? I mean no one want people to know just how bad their teeth are after all. But it is all a part of my commitment, to own up to it and take steps to change it.

It’s my birthday the last of june and my hope is that by then I can fire off a dazzling smile and not feel ashamed. So all this about teeth for me is deeply connected to this card. Both about the word – Commitment. But I also see a bit of my fear in her face, the jagged rocks in the background like teeth, her closed mouth for not being done yet, still some steps to go. It’s not a pretty card but then if life was all pretty it wouldn’t be such a challenge to commit to things either.